Vivien Leigh

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 15:55:01 GMT

So, turns out Trooper Dan has a girlfriend now.

I don't know exactly how I feel about this. I mean I never cared about him AT ALL...but now I feel bad sending him random seductive text messages to make me feel better when I am mad at Joe. I'm actually very happy for him. But it is always easier being lonely with someone else.

But in much happier news, I pick up my new car today!!!

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 05:35:14 GMT

Luxurious. You love to be pampered and
bathed in fine things. The dress which
describes you does just that. Made with heavy
and beautiful threads, it shows others just how
expensive you can be.

Which Wedding Dress Suits Your Personality? {Pictures!}
brought to you by Quizilla

Went to a wedding this past weekend. Now I want to get married too. Oddly, after looking at all of the possible outcomes of this quiz, this dress was so much more me than any of the others.

Lost-Replaced-Lost-Found

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 06:37:18 GMT

Okay, it's after 2 in the morning, and I have to be up by 7, so I am going to make this short. I can't sleep, and I am most likely going to drink Nyquil for the third night in a row, just to knock myself out, but before I do that, I just had a crazy realization!

Twice now, I have lost something that I really like, replaced it, then found the original lost item within a few days of losing the replacement item. How crazy is that?
The first time was in Aruba:
I lent Dahra one of my favorite pairs of earings on our first day in Aruba. After trecking all over the various parts of the resort and the surrounding area, we sat down to dinner only to realize that Dahra was no longer wearing two earings, she was wearing one. I wasn't really that upset (mainly because I could never be mad at Dahra) and instead I bought a new pair of earings in Aruba, to soften the loss.
Then, in a freakish turn of events, Two very drunk girls climbed over a locked gate and ran up to a closed and very dark patio at the resort. Laughing, we leaned over the edge to yell down to Susan (and the two not-so-hot guys we flirted with at the pool) and laying there, as if it was waiting to be found, was MY MISSING EARING!!!
Of course, the universe had to right itself, though, and our last night in Aruba (and probably our most drunk night of all...also being the night that I kissed Carlos...twice) we returned to our hotel, after accepting a ride from the creepy dutch former prime minister and his old friend, to find that I was in fact only wearing ONE earing. And I was again back where I started...just out the cost of the new pair of earings.

The second incident just happened at the GSU the other day:
Shortly after returning from Aruba, I misplaced my Liz Clairborn sunglasses. Of course this was at the beinging of the summer, so I was more than a little irritated. Sometime in July, after spending 2 months squinting, I bought myself a new pair of very cute sunglasses. I had used them happily for months, and finally forgotten the loss of the originals, when I accidentally left them in the GSU while skipping my Earth Science class last Thursday. I didn't realize it 'till I was already on Storrow, the 4:00 sun glaring in my eyes, but by then it was too late to go back. They were too cute. I knew for a fact that they would already be gone.
I went directly to my father's house, hoping for a free meal, and in mid-complaint over my loss, I put my hand down on the big, pink chest we have in our living room and what should my hand fall upon? Yes, it was the very same sunglasses I had lost a near 4 months earlier, the pair my new (and now lost) pair of sunglasses was meant to replace.

So now, what does all of this mean? Does it mean that there really is a God? That the universe is always righting itself? That once you think that something is lost, it never truly is? That everything lost is also eventually something found, if not by you, the by someone else? No, none of that! This odd little coincidence means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Nothing except that I am going to have 20 minutes less sleep tonight because I needed to write about this before I go to bed.
Goodnight all! Again, it is Nyquil time.

Oh, and I think that the fact that I prefaced this story with "I am going to make this short" was a dead give-away to the rambling and oh-so-long rant that was to follow. So if you actually read this all the way to the end, I'm sorry. But just think about how long I had to be up staring at the celing contemplating the oddities of my lost items before writing all of this. If you think that YOU are bored, just imagine how all of my other personalities must feel.

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 04:49:34 GMT

I think I am going to drop one of my classes because I HATE it. I told Joe that if he comes up for my uncle's wedding and goes as my date, I will give him a blow job. Now all I have to do is explain to my parents and brother that, no, joe and I did not get back together, but that he randomly agreed to drive up from New York to go with me. Sigh. I couldn't think of anyone else that I would rather take with me. I need someone that will compliment the dress and look good in pictures.

I need sleep so bad. I've been trashed (one way or another) the past 4 nights in a row. It was fun, but now I'm suffering. Had some of the wierdest dreams last night. I dreamed that I almost got in a bad car accident while driving over a bridge, but then I realized I was actually on a bicycle, so it was all ok, because then the cops can't get mad. I don't really remember the rest.

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 04:32:29 GMT

And so with a new place and internet again, here I am.

Mon, 23 May 2005 15:48:20 GMT

I am home from Aruba...and miss it terribly. I miss the palm trees and the lizards. I miss the sunshine and the clear blue (and warm) waters. I miss Carlos and Tim and all the other hot guys we met. sigh. I can't wait to go back. Now I am back to this miserable state with its gloomy days and frigid nights. Oh, by the way, the farmers almanac says that we arent going to have a summer this year. Yay! coldness forever! I am wearing a sweatshirt right now. I could have been topless on a beach basking in the sun (which we did do quite often). I feel like I just broke it off with an amazing lover. Aruba is my lover. ( I didn't know Carlos long enough for things to progress past a mere flirtation, but given another week, I bet Carlos would have been my lover too...oh and what a good lover he would be!) Anyway, I go back to work on Wednesday, which im sure will be fun. haha. fun. right.
I miss everyone though. I think that if I had come home to life in Boston as it was a little over a week ago, I wouldn't be so depressed right now. Instead im cooped up in North Andover because I don't have a car yet. 8(. Soon my friends, soon. Then perhaps a roadtrip will put a little spark into my step.

Mon, 23 May 2005 15:35:38 GMT

How to make a Kelly

Ingredients:

3 parts pride

1 part self-sufficiency

5 parts empathy

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of fitness

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 04:10:08 GMT

I just had an honestly terrible day.

I worked straight through from 10:30 am until 9:30 pm with no break.
I didn't make as much money as I should have.
I have terrible allergies all of a sudden (working on the patio today didnt help)
I just found out one of my good friends probably has cancer.
I broke every restriction to my Aruba diet.

I just want to crawl into bed and cry until it all gets better. I want Dean to be ok.

I want my grandma back. Sometimes I really just miss her so much.

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 06:01:05 GMT

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date.

But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal?

It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky.

Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a
great closet of clothes, no matter what!

Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year...

Totally different from any guy you've dated.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You Most Like?
Take This Quiz Right Now!

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 16:21:15 GMT

I've had my heart broken more than a dozen times- and all by the same man.
What does that say about him?

What does that say about me?

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 07:33:30 GMT

Don't ask why.
Dont ask how.
but i promis it is really the answerts it gave

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	199

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	171

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	80

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	187

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 07:24:25 GMT

You scored as Curt Schilling. You are Curt Schilling! You are a trooper. You push yourself to the limit, regardless of any setbacks. You are also not afraid to express your opinions on a variety of topics. Very family-oriented. You're the man!!

</td>

Manny Ramirez

80%

Curt Schilling

80%

Johnny Damon

77%

Mark Bellhorn

50%

Kevin Millar

47%

Theo Epstein

47%

David Ortiz

43%

Jason Varitek

33%

Which Red Sox Player Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

this is what haopebt when u are dunk and u just hit random answers.

odd thing is apparantly wqithout meaning to, i hit "homerun" for i supporrt george busgh because then it came up with another qwinodw and said choose one, i supopirt george bushg or i am very partiotic and i said i support ehorge bush
.

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 04:27:24 GMT

Things I want to do before i die:

1. go to italy

2. design my own clothes

3. get a dog

4. marry a gopher

5. go to a clay aiken concert, dress in drag and hope that he notices me

6. meet a count in transylvania

7. catch lucky's lucky charms

8. find a cannoli so big that cris and i must climb inside and eat it from the inside out.

9. light myself on fire and run at people i hate

10. fuck viggo mortensen and angelina jolie- at the same time.

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 07:24:39 GMT

So i drank nearly an entire bottle of wine last night and woke up hung over in a hotel room. Left when the maid started knocking on the door.

Someday I will have enough money to be able to sleep in hotel rooms with satin sheets.

Went to the bar tonight, but didnt drink nearly enough to be classified as drunk, which is good because of how shitty I felt ALL day today from last night's festivities. Work in the morning. 8(.

Had a great time at dinner. It's fun to be around everyone having a good time (which, all biases aside, i think happens most when italian food is involved.) I also had a blast at uno's tonight, and i think we should do things like that much more often. its like a preview of how the world will be when we are all 21. Just think of how many bars are in boston for us to conquer!

Sad im missing getting high tomorrow. sigh. its just as well. i kinda wish i coule get high before work.

BED.

Mon, 28 Mar 2005 05:35:30 GMT

Like the little boy who cried wolf.

Still love my boyfriend, even if i want to kill him sometimes.
Finally got the mad fucking that I needed. Maybe now I won't be such a shrew.

And finally ate cannolli again. Man, I love italian pastries. Oh Pizzelle and Struvoli, how you haunt my dreams you delicious little treats!

I think I love Gray's Anatomy.
But not as much as I love David Fumero.
But almost.

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 21:33:21 GMT

I was just thinking...Life isn't that bad. Yeah there is bullshit that comes up and smacks you in the face at nearly every turn, but so what? The weather sucks and I think that to a certain extent everyone suffers from Seasonal Effect Disorder...but lets enjoy life for what we have, not what we don't. Please, please listen to Nina Simone's "Ain't Got No." It epitomizes the way I think we should look at life...For every thing that we don't have, there are a million things that we do have. I have books, I have a computer, I have 10 fingers and 10 toes. I may have my period, but I have tampons too. See, for every bad there is a good...burried within everything evil or wrong, there is an inherent goodness.

By the way, Jesus died today.

But at least we have the Easter Bunny.

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 06:31:31 GMT

1:30 and still nothing done on my paper...but I have contemplated so much more.

is it odd that I am 20 and already thinking about marriage? that I go online in the wee hours of the night and look at wedding dresses, just in case? I feel like everything now is almost a filler until my real life starts...until I can be with Joe and start living out my destiny. It is a scary feeling, but it is also so comforting. I see my future clearly and I like what I see. I like what I see so much that I fear what will happen to me if it doesn't come true. What if Joe and I break up? What if it turns out that for some reason we can't have children? What if we do have kids and then end up getting divorced? What if one of us dies? Oh God, if that ever happens, please let it be me who goes. I don't crave death or anything, I just fear being the one left behind. Maybe I'll end up with tuberculosis of the spine and die like Elizabeth Barrett Browning...but at least she lived and loved before she went...Back to her "Sonnets from the Portuguese."

I hate papers.

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 07:43:15 GMT

And the (not so) much awaited answers to my playlist thing. You will all understand why u didn't get so many of them.

1. Ryan Cabrera- Lost Again (yes, i am STILL a teenie-bopper)

2. Kelly Clarkson- Breakaway (oddly, this song always makes me think of my grandma. its the song I was listening to in the car that made me break down in tears and write the poem that I read at her funeral.)

4. Melissa Etheridge- Out of My Mind

5. Matchbox 20- Stop

6. Sheryl Crow- What I Can Do For You

7. Andrea Boccelli- Le Tue Parole (yes, I do listen to songs in Italian, and no, I don not understand them all.)

10. Aerosmith- Hole in My Soul (Aerosmith is still probably my favorite band ever and this song is even better live.)

11. Nina Simone- My Baby Just Cares for Me (And Nina is my favorite singer ever. She can brighten even the worst days.)

12. Usher- Can You Help Me (reminds me of car rides to maine with my beautiful baby.)

14. Matchbox 20- Leave (If you have never heard this song, please download it.)

16. Sting- Fields of Gold (reminds me of Zola's)

18. Maroon 5- If You Only Knew

19. John Mayer- Comfortable

20. Peggy Lee- He's A Tramp (yes, this song was written for and sung in Disney's "Lady and the Tramp.")

21. Chantal Kreviazuk- Feels Like Home (can't pronounce her name.)

22. Nina Simone- I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free (again, love Nina.)

25. Matthew Ryan & Lucinda Williams- Devastation

man that took forever. most of those are really good songs.

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 17:22:14 GMT

All if a sudden I feel like I am in middle school again. And I don't like it.

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 03:38:20 GMT

Kitty! Puppy!

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 05:55:23 GMT

and the lousy son-of-a-bitch finally made contact...

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 04:55:05 GMT

This is a copy of the e-mail that I sent to brad the stripper, per request.

I walk down the corridor, the florescent lights flickering. Prof. Allen's office is only 10 short steps away. I feel a rush of excitement as I place my hand on the doorknob. I am desperate for a better grade, and to be honest, the real reason I did so poorly on his exam is because I could not stop thinking about how badly I wanted my professor. I wonder for a moment what he would say if he knew that I failed his exam on purpose.
I can see my reflection in the glass portion of the door and I am struck by the wanton hunger that I can see in my own eyes. I'm wearing a red halter-top, classy but also sexy, with a small zipper down the front. From the hip down, however, I am all woman as my jean skirt is cut dangerously high. My black high heeled shoes make my legs appear even longer, more lithe.
I take a deep breath, and enter the room. Prof. Allen is sitting in his chair, reading a book. When he hears me enter he looks up and pauses for a moment as he drinks in my appearance. "Professor Allen," I say coyly, "I came to talk about my grade on your midterm." He stands up and walks over to the door to close it behind me. "Have a seat," he says as he tries to read my intentions.
As he pulls down the shade covering the window on his door, I perch myself on the edge of his desk. I hook the heels of my shoes into the handles of the drawers on either side of his desk. When he turns around, my legs are spread apart, bent at the knee. His eyes widen for a moment as he tries desperately to keep from looking up my short skirt. Its as if I can read his thoughts and I know he is wondering what I am wearing underneath the thin jean material.
"I was wondering if there was any way that I might be able to bring my grade up," I say as I take off my black frame glasses and place them on the desk next to me. He walks towards me, and I can see the sheer desire in his eyes. He stands between my spread legs and huskily says, "I'm sure we can figure something out." I reach down and unzip my halter top with aching slowness, and his gaze travels over my bare skin. In a moment it is nothing but a pool of red, tossed haphazardly in the corner.
I hook my hand behind his neck and leisurly guide his mouth to mine. Our passion rises as our mouths meld together and soon we are both frenzied with need. I grab the edges of his shirt and tear. Buttons rain the floor and neither of us seem to notice. My hands rake the hard plains of his chest as his own caress my breasts. His warm mouth scorches my neck and I am pushed to a new height of pleasure. I am so hot now that I can barely take it.
My hands move to the buckle on his belt and our eyes meet. We both hesitate for a moment as we know that this is our last chance to turn back. We both seem to know that there is only one way in which we will both be left satisfied, and without any more pause, I finish unclasping his belt and pants. For the first time I am struck with a moment of trepidation as I wonder if I might have gotten myself into something too deep. Professor Allen is all muscle and man and I worry that perhaps I might not be able to handle him. But as quickly as they set upon me, my fears leave as my intense yearning cast them aside.
His pants and boxer-briefs fall to the floor in a heap and my hands move to forbidden territory. He is hot and hard and in that moment I know the full extent of his longing. Unable to wait any longer he pushes my skirt up only to discover that I was not wearing anything underneath it. He slides me forward to the edge of the desk, and his hands linger on my hips.
He leans down and kisses me and our lips meet in the same moment that our bodies do. My hands grasp his broad shoulders as if I fear that without him to hold onto, I will melt into a puddle at his feet. I am hot and tight around him and the rhythm that we move to pushes me to the precipice of desire. My legs wrap around his waist as if with a mind of their own and all thought escapes me. All I can do is feel. He thrusts harder and faster until both our bodies are taught and crave release. I shudder around him and feel his body wrack with ecstasy.
We stay there for a minuite, both of us gasping for breath. Our bodies are slick and flushed. He looks into my eyes and kisses me again, this time tenderly. Neither one of us is sure what to say so I pull my skirt down and slide off the desk. I walk to the corner to where my top fell, and put it back on. "Professor Allen..." I say, hesitantly. He interrupts, "Please, call me Brad." "...Brad, what...should I do now?" I ask. I had not anticipated the uncertainty that would follow.
He smiles at me in his adorable way, and walks over to me. He places his hands on my shoulders, kisses me again, and says, "Fail your next test on purpose too, just like you did this one."

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 22:00:10 GMT

Sigh. the strip club definitely helped. I am trying to move on...its just so hard since there hasn't been any closure. Maybe if I sleep with Brad the stripper, it'll make my break-up real in my mind. And i'd get to fuck a stripper. 8). It was nice to get that sort of attention. I called Brad today and left a voicemail, and if he never calls back I will be ok. If he does, I'd be very happy to go on another date with him, even if it amounts to nothing. I don;t think I'd want another relationship right now. It would be best to just have fun and enjoy being single. It's just so wierd. I have spent all of my adult life in love with Joe...its really all I know right now. But life goes on...I guess I should cancell my membership to the knot.com and stop picking out my wedding dress...I really honestly thought that this was for real. It was like a fairytale. Forbidden love that flourished...wishes in wells...powerful dreams...a wicked mother...sigh. There was just so much passion, its so odd to think that it could end just like that. And without a word or explaination. I think that is the hardest part for me...that and wanting to press 4 speed dial on my phone and call him up. I have messages on my phone that I tried to erase but saved at the last minute...and they are so cheerful and so wonderful. They are the man that I fell in love with. The man who would sit in his freezing cold car in the driveway because he didn't get service in his house. The man who would spend an hour at the park in the rain or snow just to make his dog happy.

Anyway, no more of that. there has been plenty of times that he has hurt me as well...Tears are nothing new to our relationship. I should be happy that it is over. Happy to no longer have someone who made me feel so terrible about myself sometimes. Who fucked me over for his British whore not once, but twice...and each time I took him back.

I'm done crying. I'm done with love.

Happy Fucking Birthday!

Sat, 12 Mar 2005 22:10:00 GMT

I don't think I've ever had a birthday as miserable as this one. Last night I went bowling with Lori and some people from Star and all of a sudden I wanted to cry because all i could think about is how the first time that I called Joe to set up my interview, I called from that bowling alley. I've finally admitted to myself that it is over. Until now I was still hoping that maybe it was all just a mean joke and I could be mad at him for a day and then everything would be ok. Unfortunately, it seems that it isn't. I am so scared that I am going to go through the rest of my life and never find a love as great as this one. I was so certain that we'd end up together...that years from now I'd be reading a story to our children before they went to bed. I feel ruined. I destroyed the most amazing thing in my life and I still don't even know what I did.

I never realized the physical pain that accompanies a breaking heart until now. I want to throw up. I want to cry. I want to fall asleep and never wake up. But more than anything I want my Joe back. He was my best friend. He made me into a better person, and if even he won't love me, then I am sure that no one ever will.

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 15:49:53 GMT

Right now I'm at the Weatherbee School in Lawrence, MA. I had to get up extra early to come here, and it was my idea. I felt like I needed something to take my mind off of my boyfriend. Sigh. I was up until 3am reading a romance novel. I cried my eyes out yesterday watching Carly Corenthos find out that her son is dead. I don't know what to do or think anymore. I actually went through one day without trying to call him. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time and eventually I won't even have to think about it. I took his phone number out of my phone and his picture off of the screen saver on my phone. I deleted all of his old messages from my voice-mail. Maybe I'm overreacting. Its only been a few days since I've talked to him. But I just feel like there is no reason he'd be this cruel unless he really wanted to hurt me and he didn't want any oppertunity to get me back. We live too far away and things are too fragile for us to make it through this kind of bullshit.